As I’m sitting here typing, I have an 8 week old baby strapped to my chest and I’ve been reflecting and thinking a lot about the current situation of childcare in the US. I have read dozens of news articles, blogs, etc. so I know this isn’t anything new but gosh I need to vent about it because it is on my mind even though I still have a couple of months of maternity leave left.
When I found out I was pregnant, I quickly started researching childcare. Although both my husband and my parents are in town, I want grandparents to only be grandparents for my son versus caregivers. I looked at the rates for nannies in my area which would end up being almost $4,000 per month and daycare in my area which ends up being about $2,000 per month for an infant at a reputable daycare. I went ahead and signed up for a few waitlists for daycare because we just can’t afford the cost of a full-time nanny.
Now that it is getting closer, I just can’t imagine leaving my sweet boy for 8 hours of the day. I know that working moms do this all the time and I know it will be hard, but it just is so scary for me and inducing some anxiety. I enjoy working (and frankly I have to keep working because we cannot afford to live off of one income right now) but it scares me to think that my son will be out of my hands – out of my control and protection. This post isn’t meant to provide advice – purely just try to explain how I am feeling right now about childcare with the hopes that it will provide another new mom comfort that we aren’t alone in these feelings.
How I feel about daycare for an infant:
- I know he will get sick and I am so scared about this. I’m scared that he will be in pain and I’m scared that my husband and I will also get sick. It could end up being a cycle of sickness making it hard to function as a family. Additionally, it would be frustrating to pay such a high amount for daycare and then not be able to use the facility because of having to stay home sick.
- I hate that I don’t know how he will truly be treated. I really trust the people who work at the daycare we selected but you just never know if someone is having a bad day and what that could mean. My baby won’t be able to tell me if something is wrong and that makes me nervous.
- I’m worried about him feeling abandoned. I fear that his diaper won’t be changed as much as it needs to be or he will be left alone crying while another child needs attention. Again, I trust the staff but it is hard to think about how no one will take care of your child the way you will.
- I am concerned that I won’t get good quality time with him. It seems like we will get an hour in the morning, and a couple of hours at night. It just doesn’t seem like enough when I think about it! Then on the weekends, we will have friends and family wanting to see us and visit or go to events – it’s hard to think about how my time with him will go from 100% to much much lower.
- I fear that he won’t be taught things that I would reinforce if I were taking care of him all day. Things like respect for others, what words to use, manners, etc.
- I feel guilty to leave him. We shouldn’t have to leave our babies so early. I hate the idea of leaving him when he is still so small and vulnerable.
I hate that so many people are in a position of having to choose between work and life. I don’t want to look back in 20 years and regret this decision of daycare but I also don’t have another option right now.
Is anyone else having anxiety about childcare and daycare? How are you approaching it? What are you feeling? Do you have any positive stories about daycare and going back to work?
Thanks for reading and being there for a new mom who is spiraling.
xoxo, LL
Little Libbie 
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