If you’re coming here and reading this, clearly you’re conflicted about moving in with your partner. Don’t worry – you’re in good company here!
I pride myself on being an independent woman – every gut-wrenching heartbreak over the years toughened me up and made me recognize that I am perfectly happy on my own. So, when the time came to ‘take the next step’ with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was unsure of what to do. I wanted to keep my independence but I also saw the benefit of how moving in could continue to grow our relationship. I started questioning myself and having doubts like:
- Will my friends think it is too soon?
- What will my parents think? Does this go against their wishes?
- What if it doesn’t work out? Where would I go?
My mind kept spinning with all of the questions and thoughts about how others would react to my decision. The list of doubts could be endless and it is easy to start questioning yourself in this situation.
Everyone has a different journey but there are a few things that helped me feel 100% confident that I was ready to live with my SO:
- I lived by myself first
- It is not lost on me that many people do not have the ability to live solo – it can be expensive and may not make practical sense for many people. However, for me, this was the best decision I could have made in my late twenties. I had lived with a handful of different roommates for the previous 9 years and I was ready to have a space that was all mine. Living by myself taught me how to handle things on my own – from the cockroach in the bathroom to fixing the running toilet to many things in between – I just had to figure things out. I learned that I am my strongest support system and I learned the importance of independence. This experience has helped me recognize that, if anything bad were to happen in my relationship, I will be ok on my own and I will figure things out.
- We talked about it (a LOT)
- I can’t emphasize communication during this stage (and really at all stages of a relationship). In my situation, my boyfriend owned a home and I was concerned that it would never feel like ‘ours’ – I was concerned that it would always feel like his. We talked about my concerns and he reassured me that we could rearrange things, we could paint, we could get new furniture – he assured me that we could do anything to make it feel like ours. We talked about what moving in together meant long-term and whether this was the right step for our future. We even talked abou the little stuff – what bed would we keep? How would we divvy up chores?
- Here’s a obvious tip that you may need to hear but not want to hear – if you don’t see yourself with this person long-term, you should reconsider moving in together. It may seem easier to move in versus have a tough conversation right now but if you know that your futures are not aligned, moving in will only make it harder down the line.
- The decision makes you happy!!
- I listed a few of my doubts above but the list could go on – I had so many doubts based on how I thought other people would react but at the end of the day, I got so excited thinking about living with my boyfriend and spending more time with him. Don’t ever let another person’s negative opinion influence your happiness and your decisions – you’re a grown a** adult and you can make the decisions that make sense for you.
- My SO did not pressure me
- I can’t reiterate enough the importance of a healthy relationship. When I was considering moving in, my boyfriend listened intently and understood how I was feeling. He did not try to control me, he did not try to convince me, and he did not try to make a decision for me. Although it was important that we made the decision together, he didn’t try to influence me one way or the other. He was patient and recognized that we each had a say in the decision.
These are just a few things that made me feel comfortable about this big decision! I hope it helps as you consider your situation and your happiness. xo, LL
Little Libbie 
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